Call me Gatekeeper.
I am he, keeper of bars that hold back violence incarnate.
I am he, guardian of the portal through which the assaulter hurls shrill and caustic forewarnings of barbarity.
I, and only I, have the power to conquer the evil-speaker and deny it rampage.
I am the last bastion. I protect you from an insane malignity like no other.
Look upon the beast I hold captive; see the fiery orange eyes that will haunt you forever.
Keep your distance, for I, and only I, am the keeper your safety, though not your sanity.
I am the Gatekeeper.
I hold the key to the parrot’s cage.
On the other hand, when Pablo’s in a good mood, he’s actually fun to have around.