A Gullible Original Christmas Song

A melody of unknown title and origin got stuck in my head this afternoon, and since it wouldn't go away, I made up my own words:

Please, Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

I’m afraid that you will fall,

The pitch is steep, the snow so deep,

And the rooftop is so tall.

I’ll leave the side door open.

You’d best come in that way.

It’s closer to the Christmas tree,

And less liability.

Please Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

It’s a woodstove, don’t you know,

There’s a handle for to seal it well

And the pipe is very small.

There’s a catalytic converter

To burn the smoke away.

It’s not there to break your fall,

But because of EPA.

Please, Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

I’m afraid that you’ll get stuck.

The fire’s hot, the coals are deep,

And yells disturb my sleep.

You can leave your big black boots on,

As you walk across the room,

The carpet won’t show melted snow

In the fire’s dancing glow.

Please, Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

I’m afraid you’ll plug the stack,

The room will fill with the fire’s smoke,

And that will make me choke.

I’ll leave a cup of chocolate,

But it won’t stay hot too long

You can nuke it in the microwave,

If you like it just that way.

Please Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

My presents are too large,

In these days of rampant fees,

I don’t need a surcharge.

About my new computer,

I need four gigs of RAM,

My keyboard’s fine, the monitor, too,

And I don’t need a web cam.

Please, Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

If you’re on my DSL,

‘Cause you’ll find, you won’t get done

Till it’s time for summer’s fun.

Before you leave, I wish you

A Merry Holiday,

Lots of hugs, and days of cheer,

and a Happy New Ye-e-e-e-e-ar……

Ó Gullible 12/24/09