"I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose."--S.I. Hayakawa

Sunday, March 15, 2009

for what ails you...

Bailouts have your nerves in knots? One hundred and sixty-five million dollars (in taxpayer money) for bonuses to AIG execs who drove their company into poverty eating away at your stomach lining? Are your retirement account and stock portfolio mere shadows of their former selves? Feel like you're a basket case?

If you feel the need to stretch out and relax, follow along as Gerri the Cat demonstrates several relaxing yoga positions guaranteed to have you feeling soothed and slinky again.

First, you must warm up. This is essential to prevent damage to your muscles. A wood stove cranking out those BTUs is the preferred method, but in lieu of a wood stove, a forced air heating vent will do quite nicely.

Make sure you’re warm all over, then start to stretch those muscles. Gently, though. No need to rush through this. Remember, the desired result is relaxation.

Let's begin with a salute to the sun.

Forward arm stretches will keep those underarms from resembling bat wings in the future.

Note the neck is stretched back as the arm is extended. Think jowls, or no jowls…

A pink pillow works well with this exercise, the backward spine curl. This position is designed to strengthen the abs and lats. Keep that pink pillow handy, as you’ll need it later.

Now, it’s important to cool down with some gentle stretching. Toe touches work well to accomplish this.

After completing each of these exercises 1000 times each, you should be fully relaxed and ready for a refreshing cat nap on the pink pillow.

No hair balls on the carpet, please.

(Okay, okay. I haven't seen another human in a month. It's just me and Gerri here in Paradise. My house-sitting gig will come to an end later this week. I suppose it's time. I must get my income tax return done because the government needs the money for the "talent" at AIG!
Inhale to the count of three. Exhale to the count of five. Repeat until you no longer see red. In this case, looking at the world through rose-colored glasses has a whole new meaning.)


  1. you made me laugh through the tears!

  2. Well, you won't believe what the word verification is for me to comment - are you ready? cathype. I kid you not, cathype, how appropriate.

  3. Walk, too much fun! I left a pleading note at a writer's site yesterday to correct a misspelled word, and my word vertification was "noh-it-ol." Sometimes I think those word verifications are intuitive.

  4. Groan. Talk about misspelled words! Karma has returned to haunt me! That was supposed to be "verification." How happy I will be when I am rid of this ergonomic keyboard.