"I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose."--S.I. Hayakawa

Monday, June 21, 2010

Good News and Buttered Popcorn

Boy, did I hear some great news today! According to the news report I heard, for one of the few times in my life I actually weigh less than the average American woman.

Wow! I was so stoked after hearing that, I made myself a bowl of popcorn and poured real melted butter all over it, much to Pablo’s delight.

Pablo, Pablo, popcorn eater.

Because if there’s anything Pablo is really, really fond of (besides king crab, shrimp, fish of any kind, raw moose and caribou, raw or cooked beef, pork, or chicken, every fruit and vegetable in the world, potatoes in every form, tomatoes, rice, all varieties of nuts and seeds, every kind of dessert ever created, ice cream in any flavor, all types of candy but especially Jelly Bellies), well, it would have to be butter.

As you can tell, Pablo is not a picky eater, except when it comes to those expensive parrot seed mixtures. Then he eats only the sunflower and safflower seeds, and the peanuts.

But anyway, this is not about Pablo. This is about my good news. Yes, I now weigh less than the average American woman. I’ve had a bit of a problem in that regard ever since….. ummmmm…….well, probably starting in….. I guess it would have to be…….. Yeah, okay, ever since puberty. Sigh.

Not now, though. Without revealing the unsavory number, I can feel pretty good about myself and my weight for the first time in a long, long time. I weigh less than the average American woman. There.

Oh, by the way. I heard that on a report about the obesity epidemic in America. And I guess I should mention that according to the report, the weight of the average American woman is now twenty-five pounds more than thirty years ago.

(Please, no snide remarks about buttered popcorn.)


  1. I know you're getting lots of great exercise as a result of all your litter picking. You certainly have earned the right to indulge in a bowl of buttered popcorn, my friend. I'm not so sure about Pablo, yet, a treat is always better when shared.

  2. Hmmm... Despite (or perhaps because of) his eclectic tastes, Pablo is obviously a wise old bird who appreciates that certain seeds contain irony, and are therefore more satisfying.