"I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose."--S.I. Hayakawa

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Gullible Original Christmas Song

A melody of unknown title and origin got stuck in my head this afternoon, and since it wouldn't go away, I made up my own words:

Please, Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

I’m afraid that you will fall,

The pitch is steep, the snow so deep,

And the rooftop is so tall.

I’ll leave the side door open.

You’d best come in that way.

It’s closer to the Christmas tree,

And less liability.

Please Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

It’s a woodstove, don’t you know,

There’s a handle for to seal it well

And the pipe is very small.

There’s a catalytic converter

To burn the smoke away.

It’s not there to break your fall,

But because of EPA.

Please, Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

I’m afraid that you’ll get stuck.

The fire’s hot, the coals are deep,

And yells disturb my sleep.

You can leave your big black boots on,

As you walk across the room,

The carpet won’t show melted snow

In the fire’s dancing glow.

Please, Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

I’m afraid you’ll plug the stack,

The room will fill with the fire’s smoke,

And that will make me choke.

I’ll leave a cup of chocolate,

But it won’t stay hot too long

You can nuke it in the microwave,

If you like it just that way.

Please Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

My presents are too large,

In these days of rampant fees,

I don’t need a surcharge.

About my new computer,

I need four gigs of RAM,

My keyboard’s fine, the monitor, too,

And I don’t need a web cam.

Please, Santa,

Don’t come down my chimney,

If you’re on my DSL,

‘Cause you’ll find, you won’t get done

Till it’s time for summer’s fun.

Before you leave, I wish you

A Merry Holiday,

Lots of hugs, and days of cheer,

and a Happy New Ye-e-e-e-e-ar……

Ó Gullible 12/24/09


  1. The Random Access Memory that is my brain is remembering snatches of the original lyrics:

    have a jolly, holly, Christmas,
    it's the best time of the year...

    I think I like my words better,.

  2. Oh, dear. Without a Christmas miracle, this could go on for days:

    I put away the cookies
    That were on the side table,
    Lest the IRS says they’re fringe benefits
    And makes them taxable.

    I didn’t leave the milk out,
    It’s best there in the fridge,
    ‘Cause the FDA would sue my butt
    If warm milk made you sick.

    There are hand wipes by the entry,
    I want you to use a few
    So you don’t leave the germs that cause
    That horrible swine flu.

    I have to lay one rule down:
    You have to put away your pipe.
    We all know about second hand smoke,
    So smoking’s no joke.

  3. Did Burl Ives sing it originally?

    I love your words too but for the sake of your sanity, I'm praying for a miracle to turn your head in a different direction.

    Thank you for the beautiful photos and verse form narrative of your 2009. Your thoughtfulness if sharing both is truly appreciated by both Lon and I.